Thursday, September 20, 2012

It's getting serious up in here

At the Dr, we talked a little about his anxiety.  He said to try to not give him his adderall and see if it is better or worse.  Apparently adderall can exacerbate anxiety.  Tuesday I didn't give it to him.  Holy Raging, batman!  Never again. 

He built a circle in the living room out of his stuffies (something he does when he is in the middle of an anxious thought process).  Poor little Reilly had the nerve to step inside his circle and got pushed really hard out of the circle.  He fell and hit his head on his car track.  I told Boyd to get his butt to his room, it was time to take a time out and think about what he was doing and calm himself down.  He stood up and raised his fists to hit me.  It was a big thing that ended with me feeling like a failure and being pissed off.  All I can think is, what did I do to him to make him hate me so much?  After some serious crap, he ended up in his room for the rest of the night.

There are days that I think I am not a special enough or strong enough mom to be my special boys mom.  Some days I think he would be better off if I left.  I would never do it, but the thought is there none the less.

I would give anything for a handbook.  A step by step guide to parenting Boyd.  Complete with a troubleshooting guide for the extra sticky situations. 

I can do this..... I hope

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